The Walk To Heaven
by pheenixgirl
Summary: Before you reach Heaven, death comes first. Before death, comes the story. Iilness is not the only thing that can hurt. Damage to the soul, that hurts more. PirikaRen
1. Ren's Notebook

Disclaimer: I do not own Shaman King. I do not own its context and characters. Format based on FLIPPED.

IMPORTANT: I OWN the series of poetry you will see throughout the story. I wrote them, and I own them. No stealing, please.

Maybe contain OOCness-ness.

* * *

Ren… 

_It's so close, I can taste it._

_It's sweet yet bitter scent_

_Makes me long for it more._

_My mind drives for it._

_Reach, reach for it._

_I touch it with my bare fingertips._

_Its coldness bursts through my vulnerable body._

_I lay there crippled by its power._

_I wanted to cry for help._

_To cry for my loved ones._

_When a single devastating thought told me_

_I had but none._

_Instead I start to laugh._

_The reason is unclear._

_I laughed at those who threw me,_

_Laughed at everything._

_My lonely soul escapes my shell,_

_Slowly make its way to you._

_"How come you never cared,_

_loved__ me, or cried for me?"_

_You sit there dazed._

_My words mean nothing._

_You laugh at my face._

_"Who ever would?" you say._

_I've had enough, why listen more._

_My only possession is at last stolen too._

_Without a body, a mind, a soul,_

_Where am I go but Hell?_

_"Who ever would?" you say..._

I put down my pencil and lean back in my chair. I'm so close to crying, I can already taste it. As I sit and blink back my already running tears, I close my notebook and hide it away. My hiding place has been the same for many years. Inside my pillowcase, where I can always feel it, and is the last thing I think of when I sleep. This book is important, and must not reach another soul. This book contains bits and pieces of me that I don't want anybody to know. Not to mention it has been written in for the past two years.

I've just come back from En. What a useless soul he is. He doesn't know how to separate bug from insect. But he knows enough to disgrace me. To make me miserable.

I was walking today downtown. It is never peaceful there; just like me. Always some sort of trouble is afoot. There are always gang fights, and police everywhere chasing them. They have no lives. Besides, to watch people running and fighting isn't the reason I am out here. I'm visiting the only hospital in town … which happened to be located in a very inconvenient spot. I am visiting my mother. She's blind, not to mention sick. She left our place to the hospital about 2 years ago … sound familiar? Yeah, that's when I started writing. My mother is blind and loosing memory. She used to ask me who I was, what I did to her son, and if I killed him. She threw a pot at me once … she has no aim. She still asks me who I am, but there are no pots to throw at the hospital.

So I entered my mom's room, and I saw something I've never seen before. Or, someone, I suppose. It's was some girl sitting at the edge of my mother's bed, talking. Don't ask, but I got a weird feeling. Like she was some threat.

* * *

Pirika …

I was having a totally good time, talking to this blind woman. We were talking about flowers, when suddenly, I feel a shove! Obviously, I yell, "What do you think you are doing?" I receive no answer. All I hear is a male voice, "Who are you?"

I put my hands on my hips, put on a … look … and say, "I asked first!" And, and, do you know what I hear? He tells me that I'm being childish! He also includes the fact that I'm some stupid baby that got lost … or something like that. But that's the end of our conversation because I don't like being near people like him. Jerks. I give the woman the flower and stomp off. At the lobby, my brother Horo Horo is waiting for me.

* * *

Normal …

"What about some ice cream?" Horo handed his sister a half melted cone.

"No thanks. I'm not in the mood." Pirika put her arm through Horo's. "Let's just go home."

"Uh, okay Pirika … but can I have your cone?" This received a laugh from his sister.

"Yeah. You can have it Horo."

* * *

Ren …

I don't like people being near my mother. I asked her who she was, and she starts yelling for no reason. "I asked first!" she says to me. How lame. Even when I was a toddler, I did not say such things. I tell her that while she stands there, then leaves. Oh, she gave my mother some flower before she left. What does she think she is? I turn my attention back to my mother who is there holding the flower with a weird look plastered on her face. I slowly take the flowers away from her, but she grabs onto them.

"No! No! My daughter gave these to me! Go away you thief!" she barks at me. I step back in surprise, and let go of the flowers.

"You don't have a daughter." I casually remind her.

"Yes! Yes I do! You're the killer that has come to kill me and my daughter! Police!" she starts moving frantically around in her bed, and knocks down photographs and a vase down. I don't really mind. She can't see them anyways.

"I'm your son. Remember?" I say it real slow for her, but she doesn't clam down.

"I don't HAVE a son!"

"Yes you do, mother." I breathe.

"No! No! No! I don't have a son! I hate you! Go away!" she's crying … and I think I am crying too. It's been two years since she has denied my existence. Two years of not having my old mother. Two years of discrimination, suffering, and hating. My mother hates me. She wants me to go away. So I do.

* * *

R&R … I prefer no flames … but if you must … go ahead I suppose. Keep them on the polite side. 


	2. It

Disclaimer: I do not own Shaman King. I do not own its context and characters. Format based on FLIPPED.

IMPORTANT: I OWN the series of poetry you will see throughout the story. I wrote them, and I own them. No stealing, please.

Maybe contain OOCness-ness.

* * *

Ren …

_He tries._

_He hides away underneath his blankets._

_Silently wishing for an end;_

_The day he knows, will never come.._

_He weeps._

_In the darkness of the night;_

_In nobody's arms;_

_He is all alone._

_He hopes._

_For something to end his misery;_

_Something to heal the mind and body;_

_For the day of fate that will decide all._

_He waits._

_For the person he lost._

_For the light to fall;_

_For the day he knows will never be._

After I had walked out of the hospital, I suddenly felt so weird. It was like something was clutching onto my chest, not letting me breath properly, like something wanted me dead. My mother rushed into my thought. _She _wants me dead …

Although I do not realize until this cold breeze brushes against me, I realized that I had stopped breathing. I let out a helpless sort of gasp, and I continue my walk. For such a horrible day, there is nice weather. I wonder why it is not raining … like in those movies I watch so often these days. But, I know the answer to that too. That is not reality. It is not real. Their pain is not real. They don't know.

I must have been walking without knowing where I was going, for I ended up in a place I've never seen before. I was not surrounded by hospital patients, nor gangs or police. This was a beautiful place. A place I didn't know could exist in such a place as this city. This was a little taste of heaven. A large pond, fresh grass, trees. For how long have I been walking?

* * *

Normal …

"Mrs. Tao … it's us. Your friends. Now, clam down and we'll talk about all this." A doctor tried to sooth. Surrounding him, where two nurses.

"How do you expect me to clam down at a time like this?" she suddenly started to move frantically. The two nurses lunged for her, holding her down on her arms.

"Please Mrs. Tao! We need cooperation! We do not want you to get hurt by accident!" The doctor said in shock.

"Cooperation! You want cooperation? How do you expect me to remain clam at a time like this?" Mrs. Tao tried to swat away the nurses, and succeeded as well. The two nurses were off of the woman, and now she was standing. "You … don't touch me! I am a grown up! I know what I am doing!" As the two nurses tried to take control again, Mrs. Tao hit down her medical tubes. The nurses scrambled for the fallen pieces.

"She can't be controlled … let's give her the drug …" the doctor pulled out a needle from his breast pocket. He had brought it just in case something like this happened. "Now Mrs. Tao …" the doctor injected the needle into her arm, earning a terrible scream from her. The doctor looked on in utter sadness as Mrs. Tao lazily fell down. "Nurse, please put Mrs. Tao back in bed and reconnect her tubes." He left.

* * *

Horo Horo ...

On our whole way back from the hospital, my sister did not say a word. She usually talks too much that I have to con her with money to make her shut up. "5 dollars if you don't talk the last block!" I usually plead. But not today. I suppose I could say "she was as quiet as a mouse", but it wasn't even that! I should say "she was quieter than still air"! Now, not only was not talking the problem, but she also turned down ice cream. Which, I guess wasn't that bad since I got to eat it …

On our last few blocks from home, I couldn't take it anymore. I asked her what she did today at the hospital. She usually ends up making one or more friends everyday at that place. She didn't chat about that when I mentioned it either.

"Oh, I met a blind woman and gave her a flower, Horo." She said to me.

"Wow! Blind! But did you tell her …" I was cut off though …

"Look … we're home." She interrupted me, and she walked into our place. As I walked in behind her, I knew in my mind that something was wrong. Something had happened at the trip to the hospital. Then, that's when it hit me … what if _IT_ was back …?

* * *

Ren …

It is now nightfall, and I guess I had dozed off in this place. This place is perfect. Somewhere I can stay. Not like home, where En pesters me every waking second, and not like near my mother, who hates me. I get up, and get ready to go back home though. I take a last look at my reflection in the pond. I can't recognize me anymore. No more am I like the person I used to be. I feel so vulnerable, like everybody can see me. I feel afraid …

Who am I …?

* * *

Update. I prefer no flames, but if you must ... go ahead. Keep them polite. 


	3. Insight

Disclaimer: I do not own Shaman King. I do not own its context and characters. Format based on FLIPPED.

IMPORTANT: I OWN the series of poetry you will see throughout the story. I wrote them, and I own them. No stealing, please.

Maybe contain OOCness-ness.

If not yet noticed … whatever name you see on its own paragraph with the "…" means the beginning of a new POV … the POV of the person named.

* * *

Pirika …

The beautiful melodies of the wind chimes signal my arrival. I could walk around with my eyes closed, and still know that I'm home. The last statement would seem funny to Horo Horo. He would comment on that right away. "Of course you would be able to! That's the whole point, duh."

But today, those wind chimes … they are irritating me. I want them to shut up … though that is probably not a very nice thing to say.

The whole way home from the hospital, what happened keeps replaying in my head. The visit, when I met this beautiful and gentle lady. The doctor explaining about her illness to me. The boy who yelled at me. But, in the end, it is what the doctors have told me that sticks inside me and haunts me. "… and it is slowly taking her away." The doctors finished explaining. "Will she die?" was my obvious question. The answer? He said it so simply, as if this had no regard. "She will die."

She will die! She will DIE! She will loose herself from this world, as we all pray that she goes to a place we do not even know exists! She will go away unknowing of who's around her because of her memory. She will not know that her family loves her … no. She will go unwillingly, as the life sucks itself dry in her flesh. She will die …

I feel teardrops upon me hands and cheeks. I feel around for a tissue, which I find. I blow my nose, when I hear a knock.

Horo …

I am worried. Very worried. About Pirika that is. I left her alone for a while. I figured, "Hey, she'll come down to talk to me about whatever is bothering her." But that did not happen. She has not come down for more than 2 hours. What is going on? I get up, and I walk towards her room. I give the door a knock, and wait.

Pirika …

I walk over to the door and open it. "Yeah?" I whisper out.

"Pirika, do you want to, I don't know, talk or somethi- … Oh My God! Why are you crying?" she interrupts himself.

"Silly Horo. I am not crying. But, anyways, what did you want to talk about?" Me and Horo walk over to my bed and sit.

En …

It is past midnight. Where is that stupid kid? I let him go out in society to visit his mother, and this is how he repays me. I don't know why he wanted to visit his mother anyways. She's nothing but a piece of shit eating up my money now. Hell, she doesn't even know who we are anymore. What's the point? Honestly, I can't wait for her to die. She has given me enough trouble as it is … or as far as it goes with her child, Ren, anyways.

The day we found out that his mother was blind … what were we to think? Personally, I was sad at the time. Devastated, actually. Imagine a world where you can't see anything. We lived with it and cooped with it for over a year, and we were all doing fine, and we had all adjusted to our new lifestyle. Nothing wrong. Just an eye sight gone overly bad. We could live. As 3 years approached, things began to change. She had shifts in her moods. Became wild, untamed, and angry easily. At first, we were pretty good at claming her down, but as the days went by, we couldn't. We had no patience; we couldn't handle her aggressive behavior. We called a doctor. We were given pills, which helped us out a bit … for a while.

This is when her memory went. One day we woke up to a yelling. "WHERE AM I?" Followed by other unreasonable comments. We were all confused, as we explained her questions. She refused, and denied every single one of them. What was wrong with her?

This was followed by another trip to the doctor. He filled us in. She would be ill. She would loose her memory, a terrible disease, the doctor explained. Then, he said the words we did not want to hear. "Not to mention, out of the rare 10 we have had with this case, none of them had survived …"

* * *

This is the end of another chapter. If you had been reading close enough … you might have figured out my hints … that turn into a spoiler. Please don't include your ideas in your reviews, especially if you think your idea is RIGHT, for it would ruin it for the other readers. Thank You. 


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